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H1N1 Swine Flu
Signs of a coming economic apocalypse have become
too numerous to ignore. Are the most pessimistic among us prophetic
while the rest of us are blissfully ignorant? Take a look at the
signs and decide for yourself who will have the last laugh.
1. Brothy Times
In its latest financial report, the Swiss consumer goods giant
Nestle said it hopes to weather this economic turmoil with growing
sales from products like bouillon. After all, you can add just about
anything in your cupboard to a pot of bouillon and call it stew for
your hungry family. No meat? No worries. Toss in some potatoes and
cabbage and you've got a meal, complete with a protein element.
2. Half-Price Hamptons
Is it possible that this recession is bringing an East Hampton
summer house within financial reach of more than just the wealthiest
Manhattanites? One can dream. In what is surely feeling apocalyptic
to Hamptons homeowners, some prospective renters have reportedly
started offering as little as half of what landlords are asking for
summer rent. If you don't have a job, what better place to spend
your time this summer?
3. Grande Downscale
Starbucks has launched an instant coffee product. Need we say more?
4. Real Housewife Reality
The current season of Bravo's Real Housewives of New York City was
blasted for its apparent detachment from the slumping economy. But
if Page Six is to be believed, the cold, hard reality has finally
caught up to one well-to-do wife. Bethenny Frankel was spotted using
a coupon for 25 percent off for a biweekly blow-out at her hair
salon. This, on top of the fact that the service was already
discounted. The horror!
5. Armed and Dangerous
People are evidently overwhelmed by the urge to protect themselves
right now—from what, exactly, we're not sure. Sales of firearms
jumped nearly 30 percent in January compared to the same month last
year. Stores in Florida, which has experienced some of the most
severe retractions in housing prices, are running out of bullets. A
recession where you can get gas but you can't get bullets. Go
figure.
6. Big Fear
Say what you will about them, but the Mormons know how to take care
of each other. They feed their poor and stockpile food and supplies
for themselves in case of disaster. When the activity at the
church's 109 storage warehouses around the country reaches a
frenzied state, economists take note. And guess what? The Mormon
Index is rising.
7. Food Bank of America
Food banks are no longer just for the homeless and hungry. They're
now for middle-class folks like child-care workers, nurse's aides,
real estate agents, and secretaries.
8. Fashion Disaster
The Italian fashion industry falls somewhere in between automakers
and porn producers in the growing list of international bailout
beggars. Industry representatives recently told Italian lawmakers
that a cut in demand for their designer products has caused it
severe pain. Seems the designers were miffed they weren't considered
as part of a stimulus package while Italian automakers and household
appliance manufacturers were.
9. Porky Piggy Banks
Sales of "money boxes" at a U.K. department store have soared 150
percent in the past year as the British economy faces its worst
setback since World War II. The store sells novelty boxes, with
those labeled "Handbag fund," "Shoe fund," and "Shopping fund" in
most demand.
10. Jobs Wanted
In a scene that looked more like an American Idol tryout than an
employment opportunity, more than 1,000 applicants lined up recently
to apply for 35 firefighter jobs in Miami. Many people camped out
overnight to secure a spot among the 750 applications the city
agreed to accept. The Miami-Dade, Broward, and Palm Beach counties
are projected to lose nearly 85,000 jobs by the end of this year.
11. Life in the Stacks
If this isn't a sign of the economic apocalypse, we're not sure what
is: libraries are packed with people! Circulation of books and DVDs
have risen by 23 percent in Washington-area libraries, according to
the Washington Post. More budget-conscious families are opting for
the free rentals over Barnes & Noble and Netflix. And higher
unemployment means more people vying for time on the library's
computers. It's the cheaper version of the coffee shop.
12. Calling All Lumber Thieves
We've heard a lot in the past year about thieves stealing copper
wire from homes and construction sites as the commodity's price
soared. But this news sent our apocalyptic meter of doom off the
charts: A thief in Maine has been stealing telephone poles for the
wood. A local telecommunications firm said that 35 poles have been
cut and stolen around central Maine since last fall. The wood isn't
suitable for burning but it could be used as building material.
Tough times indeed.
13. Goldbugs Rule
We all saw the Cash4Gold commercial with Ed McMahon during the Super
Bowl, but most of us saw it more as a sign of the tough advertising
market than anything else. But when the price of an ounce of gold
hit the $1,000 mark last week, it became all too clear that nervous
investors are flocking to the shiny yellow metal as a safe haven.
Most analysts predict the price will continue to rise, which
suggests that gold is still a welcome place to park cash when
everything else is in the toilet.
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